Gaslighting 101: How to Recognize When Reality Gets Distorted

Gaslighting is one of the most insidious forms of emotional abuse because it makes you question your own mind. It's when someone systematically denies reality to make you doubt your perception, memory, and sanity.

The term comes from the 1944 film "Gaslight," where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she's losing her mind by repeatedly denying things she clearly experienced.

Common Gaslighting Tactics

Denying: "That never happened." "You're making it up." Even when you have clear evidence.

Deflecting: When confronted, they turn it around: "Why are you always so sensitive?" "You're the problem, not me."

Minimizing: "You're overreacting." "It wasn't that bad." Dismissing your feelings and experiences.

Trivializing: Mocking your concerns: "You're being ridiculous." Making you feel stupid for your feelings.

Countering: Questioning your memory: "You don't remember that right." "That's not what happened."

Why It's So Damaging

Gaslighting doesn't leave physical marks, but it devastates your sense of reality. Over time, you stop trusting yourself. You second-guess your memories. You apologize for things that weren't your fault. You feel like you're going crazy.

This is the goal. When you can't trust your own mind, you become dependent on the abuser's version of reality. You stay because you think the problem is you.

Red Flags You're Being Gaslit

• You frequently apologize even when you're not sure what you did wrong

• You question your own memory constantly

• You feel confused about what's real

• You're always trying to prove yourself

• You feel like you're "too sensitive" or "crazy"

• You hide parts of yourself to avoid conflict

How to Reclaim Your Reality

1. Document Everything - Keeping a journal helps you verify your memories and see patterns clearly.

2. Trust Your Gut - If something feels wrong, it probably is. Your intuition is real.

3. Get External Validation - Talk to trusted friends or a therapist. Get reality checks from people who know you.

4. Stop Defending Yourself - You don't owe endless explanations to someone determined to deny your reality.

5. Distance or Disconnect - The only real cure for gaslighting is separation from the gaslighter.

You're Not Crazy

If you've been gaslit, you might still question your sanity even after leaving. That's normal. But here's what's true: Your reality is real. Your feelings are valid. Your memory matters. And you deserve to be believed—especially by yourself.